September 12, 2005

Uncivilized act

My friend’s sister got married recently. We all attended the reception the night before the wedding day. I was told by one of our common friends that the dowry given to the groom was around ten lakhs and she felt that it was very less when compared to that given (taken) in her family. I was quite taken aback at the sudden remark. I have always been against this act of dowry-taking (giving). I consider it as an offence done behind the veil of a societal ritual called marriage. I chastise not only the act of taking dowry but also the act of giving it. It really surprises me when people talk about those lengthy figures that they boast of having given as dowry in their daughter’s marriage. What kind of fun is this? This is really serious and people ought to think about it now.

In olden days, brides used to get dowry from the grooms, which was called kanyasulkam. But, now the whole scenario is reversed- women have to buy (?) men. This act was made illegal by the government long back but it is still prevalent in India. Be it a Hindu, a Muslim, Christian, Sikh, one thing can be found common in their marriage- Dowry.

Why should a woman give money to a man to get married? Do her parents feel insecure and believe that their daughter would be happy if she gets into a new relationship and a new household along with money? Or do the groom’s parents feel that their son is incapable of running a household on his own? Why should one be so greedy and insecure that they want their son to be bought by someone? Is this any bidding sale of things where whoever bids the highest amount wins the bid? And you call this a society- A civilized society where people sell themselves or their children just for the sake of money. I often hear many parents saying that they are afraid of high dowries and fear whether their daughter would get married or not. Better you don’t get your daughter married than sending her to live in an uncivilized household!

6 comments:

  1. just found your blog..
    about dowry, don't you think girls who accede to dowry are not just debasing themselves but endangering the lives of other girls ?

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  2. kuffir,
    it's not women who are acceding to dowry. If men don't expect money from them there wouldn't have been such an act taking place in our society. Don't make only women responsible for such a depraving act.

    Women succumbing to dowry can never endager the lives of other women because it's not they who are responsible for this contagious malady. I don't say that only men are responsible for all this. But, yes they have a bigger role.

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  3. no, indu what u r saying is wrong..!
    dowry, its in our culture, its not a new thing...
    but ur view of thinking is wrong.
    men has to take money bcoz he is getting married to a new unknown lady and after marriage he has to look after her till end,her parents think that the matter is over and we need not bother about her, its not at all a mistake to do like tat

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  4. somu,I can never really come to terms with this point of view because I feel money is not at all necessary to get into a new relation.
    Fine, let me come to the point that you mentioned, that a man has to take care of a woman for the entire life and that's why he needs to take money. But, what if she is a working woman? Then what's the need for him to take money? She also would be earning for the family along with him. Can't they work together to take care of themselves? I feel they should.

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  5. Guyzz...
    Why do u need money to live with your life partner??? It’s not only women who need a life partner. I strongly feel that both men and women need a partner to live with. Then why take (demand??) money for something which you need??? Its not fair guyz. If you say that you need money to take care of your lady for the rest of her life, then, as a HEAD of the family, don’t you think you should be capable enough to take care of your family??? If you say you are not, they you should not marry. I feel you should marry only when you are prepared for it (mentally, financially, emotionally… there are lot many aspects). Don’t you think there are many valuable aspects in any relation and finance is just one small aspect in this looong journey called LIFE???

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  6. Guyzz...
    Why do u need money to live with your life partner??? It’s not only women who need a life partner. I strongly feel that both men and women need a partner to live with. Then why take (demand??) money for something which you need??? Its not fair guyz. If you say that you need money to take care of your lady for the rest of her life, then, as a HEAD of the family, don’t you think you should be capable enough to take care of your family??? If you say you are not, they you should not marry. I feel you should marry only when you are prepared for it (mentally, financially, emotionally… there are lot many aspects). Don’t you think there are many valuable aspects in any relation and finance is just one small aspect in this looong journey called LIFE???

    ReplyDelete