March 03, 2006

A story untold...

Some things make a lasting impression on our minds. This one, more or less, falls into the same genre. It has touched me where it can the most. This isn’t any story to unfold. It is the reality that has never gone unseen or unheard, yet it still remains a story untold. These were the words that seemed too hard to sink in, too unreal to have been spoken by someone about a person whom they would have loved the most. These were the words spoken by a daughter about her father. This justly mirrors the extent of trauma that the daughter and her mother may have faced. I christen it as the worst compliment a father could ever have from his daughter. These were the words that had the ability to strike any human heart.

“You are such a man who upon seeing his wife being burnt alive by his parents, would say that they are just trying to test the quality of the kerosene and have nothing against her.”

She is the daughter and He is the father whom I thought I have known well. Now, I realize that what we see is not what it is. It is something that has not gone unseen or unheard. Still it is a story untold.

Such is the plight of domestic violence in our country. Why is it so that only Asian countries like India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Afghanistan and a few others have high rates of domestic violence? Is there no stoppage to this? India is on the brink of becoming a well-developed nation, but the mind-set of people is not getting any closer to being consummate- in their thoughts, their acts; in almost everything.

Can’t there be an India with better people living in it? We always talk about the progress of our country, the good and bad about her, the system that prevails in her. It’s high time we started talking about her people’s progress- the good and bad about us, the innumerable ways in which we can make ourselves better for us and also for those who live with us. Let’s live life in a better way.

I am not sure I wanted it to end this way, but I hope to have carried it over in the right way.


  1. hey indu i am not very sure if domestic violence is high only in the developing countries as you have seemed to mention, because i have heard of several cases of horrible domestic violence in USA and Britain too. But i do agree shamefully that it occurs in our country. Do you think it has anything to do with the under developed state of a country? Maybe yes, in the sense that when you are financially unstable and have the burden of a family whose size is ever increasing on you, you tend to get frustrated easily and this may lead to uncalled for manhandling of the wife who seems to be the closest punching bag at hand ( not for once suggesting any of it is justified).But considering the fact that there is domestic violence even in upper class families, what seems to be the most likely and well enough established reason for this kind of behavior is the compulsive need of some men, 'some' i stress, to make clear ( more to themselves)who, they assume self righteously, is the higher and purer sex.
    There is no one-line answer to this problem. An attitude that has been imbibed in the psyche of generations of people due to the socio-cultural believes they hold over years cant be changed overnight, but i believe that a change can be brought about by changing the attitude of the younger generations regarding their understanding and believes of why things are the way they are now and what exactly is wrong whit them and the compulsive need to change them.This seems to tbe the answer to most contemporary political and socio-cultural problems that men across countries face.

  2. Kadambini,

    I totally agree with what you had said that domestic violence is looming even in western countries and european countries, but not as much as we have it in India. You may hear about such cases occasionally there, but here at least one household becomes a target everyday. It's so commonly prevalent in our country. The main cause for this, as I feel, is the roots of patriarchy buried deep in our country. It continues because most of the victims, predominantly women, don't come out with their suffering. Instead, they prefer to bear all of it silently. All this tends to encourage it more and more.

    There's only one solution to this. We can't stop the on going domestic violence, but yes, our generation can prevent it from occurring in the future. And, slowly it will disappear with the previous generations.

    For all this to take place, WE (all of us) should change first. WE should change ourselves for the betterment of the country and her people

  3. We can't stop the on going domestic violence!!

    this could be one reason, the attitude of people, that lead to the current state of affairs in every issue that places us in a lower rung..if ya talk abt the lower domestic crime rates in western countries, well that is because there are organizations that actively try to eliminate any form of personal and societal issues. there are universities which work on such issues and propose measures to improve upon the existing state of affairs! the legal system fortunately supports their ideas! now when therez inertia rooted in our heads, all we get to say is "We can't stop the on going domestic violence!!" and all we do is hope for a better tomorrow!!

    one last thing to say, one of five european women is abused everyday. 5 million american women are assaulted every year, this after a well etched system!

    so herz some problem bothering all the women in the world not just HER kids.

  4. evidenza,

    I never denied the fact that most women world over are victims of domestic violence. There are many such cases. But, I just tried to say that these things happen more in asian countries than in western countries as you pointed out that your legal system is quite supportive of the issues against them. But, there are many loop holes in laws that are practised here. Women don't like coming out with their sufferings and this makes it more worse than the actual suffering.

    Yeah, i really want all this to stop not only in India but all over the world. That will be possible only when people (WE) try to stop it.